Soliloquy in an International Cloister

Watch your step as Brother Lawrence takes you inside the monastery walls of a five hundred year-old international order. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wish you had ignored your hormones and joined the monastery.

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Location: Rome, Italy

02 June 2006

Boy, am I motivated! Not.

I attended a motivational seminar yesterday. I didn't really want to go, but someone bought me a ticket so I felt obligated. Actually, that is not completely true. I also wanted to see whether the speakers were capable of motivating a dyed-in-the-wool nine (on the Enneagram scale) like myself.
A few of the speakers were good—financial guru Suze Orman, former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani and Zig Ziglar protege Krish Daraman. The emcee and lead-off speaker was Amy Jones. She had a perky voice, perky smile, perky hair, perky boobs, perky ass and was perfectly cloying. She stood there in her designer suit and perfectly coiffed hair, and told us we needed to simplify our lives—while she was receiving a five-digit speaking fee. That she could do this while keeping a straight face was probably worthy of an Oscar. She also encouraged us to "invest in ourselves" by buying their motivational tapes, DVD's and study materials. Hmmm, sounded to me like we were actually investing in them.
One of the other speakers was failed-presidential-candidate Stephen Forbes. He mostly tried to motivate us to buy into his flat tax idea. Wow. Inspiring.
I had to miss the last few hours of the seminar, including the talk by Colin Powell, who was the only person I really wanted to hear.
For all you Nines out there who are wondering whether it is safe to attend these seminars, allow me to reassure you. They are a great excuse for missing a day of work, and for every speaker that convinces you to set personal goals and work hard to reach them, there is another who helps you reassert your former cynicism and sense of hopelessness.


Anonymous heather said...

I have various theories about these so-called motivational workshops that some may call cynical - but essentially, I agree with you on them trying to sell you the perfect thing and then it's all your fault when it doesn't work. I hate them.

02 June, 2006 20:50  
Anonymous Moobs said...

How can you not find perky boobs motivational? What are you? A monk?

04 June, 2006 00:21  
Anonymous Moobs said...

Ps - you're tagged :-)

04 June, 2006 00:22  
Blogger Br. Lawrence said...

Well said, Heather.
I'd have been more motivated, Moobs, if they were detachable. As they were more or less permanently attached to her, no so much.

04 June, 2006 03:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HEY! Next time you have to sit by yourself!

05 June, 2006 20:40  
Blogger Br. Lawrence said...

Hey, I remember you! You wrote me a note in the fourth grade. How have you been?

07 June, 2006 17:12  

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